The Perfect Day.

Hi there! D&T here!

I’m so excited to have Tony be a guest blogger today, in introducing our next podcast! THIS was such a fun one! (Listen to the podcast now on Libsyn!) You can also find it on your Podcast App/itunes @ meaningful childless life.

We got this idea from Mike Bledsoe (Barbell Shrugged Podcast) and Kent Clothier. So here’s the premise: Write out the details of which create YOUR perfect day! Without any financial or location restrictions, how do you see yourself spending the day from wake up to bedtime? It helps (and is most fun) to be as detailed as possible. You’ll quickly come to realize that it’s a considerably tough exercise! I found that starting with the first question… Where does this perfect day take place?… to be tremendously hard.

So we thought it would be fun to go about this exercise individually, and then share them for the first time to each other on the podcast! Cool! I should add, that this exercise is meant to get you thinking in terms of your future you. In other words… this day you come up with, is something that you should be striving for and/or something you can pull ideas from! So without further ado, let’s introduce our next podcast with Tony’s essay style guest-post!

 


The Perfect Day

What is it? What should it be? So farfetched that it is ridiculous, and unobtainable? Or something you can reach out and touch? Would you celebrate New Year’s in all four time zones flying on a private jet to some swank roof top party? Or would you have a fire pit burning and 4 or 5 of your closest friends and family? Is it a beach landscape, mountains, how about a desolate desert with the only hopes of color coming in the form of an oasis? What is more important; the company you keep, or where you keep your company?
I have had many great days in my life. Days that resulted in those memories being seared into my mind like grill marks on an overpriced steak. As I prod the basement levels of my mind to find those memories, I am seeing a pattern form. They were simple. There was nothing overly special, or incredible about them. At least not to the naked eye. A few minutes have passed since my last keystroke. A little more digging. A lot of cobwebs in here. As I am reaching the sub-levels I am making the same realization as before; simplicity.
You may be wondering why I am digging through years of memories just to create a fictional ‘perfect day’. Shouldn’t it be easy? A day at the beach if you will. Ha, see what I did there? Here is something way too deep to be included in an exercise that should be fun and carefree. It is a lesson I learned after Uncle Sam and I signed our divorce paperwork.
WARNING WARNING – We’re getting off track!!
It took me a while to figure out life after the military, and the one of the most difficult things to accept was that I now had the freedom of choice. Let me retype that; THE FREEDOM OF CHOICE!!!!!!! Not that you don’t make choices in the military, but let’s face it, many of them are made for you. Civilian life provides you with almost unlimited choices.
BACK ON TRACK!!
So back at it. The reason why this is challenging (for me at least) is that once again, I have unlimited choices. I go back to my first paragraph (beach, mountains or desert?). And that is just one choice. Let’s not forget the who, what, when, why, how we still have to figure out. Am I making this too complicated? Probably. Maybe it is just the way my mind works.
I am also realizing that you may learn a thing or two about yourself in this exercise. For example; are you the type of person who will queue up memories or your own personal happiness, or achievements? Or perhaps a time when someone very close to you was happy? For you parents out there, do your happiest memories include your children? Or do you include a time in your life before children were present? Would your perfect day include your children, or perhaps just you and your spouse? And let me be perfectly clear here, I am NOT trying to judge anyone, or call anyone self-centered or anything crazy like that. I missed the day they were giving out PhD’s in Psychology, so no judgment or analysis happening here. Well not true, I am analyzing myself. But I don’t think I can offend anyone by doing that.
What a mind fuck this is. I never in a million years envisioned myself struggling to put together a rock star day to have. I think the reason I am having such a problem is that I have probed opposite ends of the spectrum throughout my life. I have learned to live under high stress with adrenaline pumping, but also with extreme calm, and boredom that would drive a Tibetan monk insane. I love skydiving, but I also love sitting on the couch and running through the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I love being surrounded by family and friends, but also love a quiet day to myself.
I think in the end I am realizing a perfect day is more of a feeling, rather than something tangible. We’ll see what D thinks of that answer. Perhaps I’ll have a backup plan when we record our episode and reveal our answers to each other. Hmmmmm skydive in Dubai for breakfast, surf North Shore for lunch, a remote restaurant along a fjord in Norway for dinner, riding a horse in Australia’s outback to watch the sunset, and fall asleep on the Tran Siberian railway……..

Importance of Goal Setting for the Childless/Childfree

If you’d like to start with the podcast instead of skipping through this outline, here it is! =) 

It’s also available on iTunes! For Apple iPhone users, you can use the  icon_340.png (podcast) app! We have fixed the issue with the search for “Meaningful Childless Life” and it should be easy to find now. Also, if you would like for the podcasts to download when they’re available, go ahead and subscribe to the podcast. If you need help with any of this please feel free to ask or leave a comment and I’ll get back to you! Free free to rate the podcast and give it five stars ;)))

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Hey everyone! Dee here!

Tony and I finally sat down to record another podcast! Shwew! This past weekend was the OCB Body Sculpting Championship in Hampton, VA and Tony, Paul and I knocked it out! The last handful of weeks prior to the show absorbed every last minute I had, but we’re back in podcast action!

In this podcast episode, I’ll share a few lessons I learned along the 12 week journey to the stage.  Also, we delve into our most recent and future goals and the importance of goal setting for the childfree folk. And without fail, we get into a few ramblings, admixed with goal-setting tips for our fellow MCL tribe members!

I wanted to share the outline to our show in blog format for those of you who don’t have time to listen to our ramblings.

The importance of setting goals for the childfree folk: Raising children is God’s work. Parent’s deserve all the kudos in the world for what it is they do on the daily. What I’m saying here, is that living without children comes many “cons”… those of which we won’t dig into today. But with these cons in the background, we must put all our PROS into the forefront! HELLO PROS! One pro includes TIME. Ahhhh…. something you just can’t make more of or get back. Well, with the added time on your childless hands, you are much better off tackling goals than sitting back and letting time take you away. Years could go by and you could be the same person! Ew! No thank you! Now let’s get to the goal setting:

2 RULES ON SETTING NEW GOALS:

  • Focusing on less… is more —> You are capable of greatly enhancing one aspect of your life if you are not trying to tackle all things at one time. Focus on less, and do it greatly, vs focusing on everything, while doing it poorly. Set a single goal, put your head down and DRIVE. If you are comfortable with setting a fewer small goals vs one larger goal, then go for it. Just be sure you are organized enough to schedule out time for these things and stick to them.
  • DO NOT set unrealistic goals! What’s that saying? “Shoot for the moon… if you miss, you’ll still land among stars.” Yikes. I don’t know about you, but if I shot for and missed the moon, those stars would be getting some dirty looks. haha. Let’s set realistic achievable goals so that we can keep our winning streak up and our momentum going!

TAKING ACTION:

  • SELF TALK
    • Insert your new sentence here: I am a ________ (writer, podcaster, athlete, etc). This is important. You don’t have to 100% believe that it’s true, but writing that down on the daily can really start to convince anyone. Provide yourself with positive self talk and you can literally fake it until you make it. “Create a catalytic voice that accelerates your mission.”
  • CREATE
    • If what you want doesn’t exist in chasing, then create your own industry and let the world try to break into you.
  • FOCUS
    • Focus on the process of learning, not the end goal. The transformation phase happens right under your nose. Open those nostrils and get a big WHIF!
  • COMFORT ZONE WARNING
    • People confuse comfort with happiness. You must chase discomfort to achieve your next goal. When your life is comfortable there’s no anticipation. You must break out of your comfort zone, because change only comes when facing resistance. At the end of a difficult journey is an even more peaceful state.

HOW TO MAINTAIN, FOLLOWING ACHEIVEMENT: 

On the ride back from the competition we talked about the things I enjoyed vs the things I did not enjoy. It’s important to have a takeaway from the achieving the goal that you can utilize for the rest of your life. Hello! So… pluck those gems out of your journey which you found enjoyment and add them to the next phase. Maintaining takes much less effort because you’re not dealing with as much of the discomfort. This opens yourself up to receive discomfort from your next MAIN GOAL.

PODCAST TAKEAWAY:

When you invest in yourself, your relationships and the world around you are enhanced. 

——– Connect with us! ——–

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meaningfulchildlesslife@yahoo.com

 

Meaningful Childless Life Podcast Launch!

It’s finally here!!!

My thoughts have been brewing over this idea for two years now and I’m finally giving it a GO! This may seem sort of strange that I am proud to launch a childless life podcast but this has been a topic I have been too shy or embarrassed to discuss and it’s time to make a change to that. It’s a bit of a taboo subject but I believe it doesn’t have to be. I would like to share my story in hopes that I can reach a few readers/listeners who relate. When you live a nonsocial norm lifestyle, it is important to surround yourself with a solid community who you can share thoughts and moments with. It is my dream, with the help of my husband and closest friends to create a Childless Community.

Here’s my story:

I was so distracted I didn’t have time to mourn the news. I was nearing the end of Graduate School at WVU. I couldn’t wait to finally settle in somewhere, buy a home, start my career, start a family, and live out this life. I was readying myself for my final presentation on breast carcinoma when I had to skip off to a doctor’s appointment. An ultrasound was scheduled to take a look at my ovaries which were giving me tremendous pain upon exercise. Polycystic Ovarian Disease, they mentioned. I knew what it was. In fact I’ve dissected many ovaries with this disease. I rolled my eyes at it, telling myself “I told you so.”

Then it came. The technician took the cold slimy stick and aimed it at my uterus. She turned the screen in my direction and said, “Did you know you have a bicornuate uterus? …potentially with a septum?” It looked evil. Maybe like a “hook-em horns” off a Texan’s sports cap? Or did it look a little more like a heart? Maybe this was some nightmare and I could aim that ultrasound stick at my martian-looking organ, have it shoot lazer beams and disintegrate my uterus? Humph.

My malformed uterus didn’t have that dome shape like a hot-air-balloon does, in order to house a growing baby. In fact, the technician carelessly blurts out, “Oh, yeah, people with your malformation have about a 20-30% chance of carrying to full term. They tend to lose it in the 2nd trimester due to growth restriction complications. If it does survive, you could be dealing with a load of birth malformations due to growth restriction.” The polycystic ovarian disease certainly doesn’t increase my chances. Wow, thanks for the comforting, informative chat Technician. That was the longest elevator ride to the parking deck I’ve ever had.

With my unfinished presentation in the passenger seat, I knew I had to do two things: focus… and eat. I felt numb as I carried my food to the back corner of Chick-fila. Within minutes, I realized I was sitting next to the playscape and distracted by children playing when it all finally hit me. A little boy (of about 3ish) paused to sit in the plastic bubble in the very top of the play tower. We locked eyes. He placed his hand upon the plastic wall and it felt as if he was looking into my soul. Maybe he felt my sadness (maybe he thought I was some creeper staring at children?). Then he smiled at me for what seemed like forever. It was this moment I realized I’d never have a moment like that with a child of mine. I’d never see his/her smiling face. I’ll never come out of the bathroom with that excited, “Surprise! We’re pregnant!” Life would be much different.

The next morning the numbness eased up a bit, due to my shift of focus. I had to make this presentation good. I have an interest in breast pathology more than any other pathology, so at least the subject had me excited. I was pretty certain that the puffy bags under my eyes were visible to the entire room. Were there holes in my summary, for all the interjected thoughts I had while putting the end together? I left afterward not telling a single soul, but receiving compliments on my presentation. The focus on this project was life saving, as sometimes, distractions are pure blessings. I realize now that sometimes that’s all we let life be – one big distraction.

It’s been almost four years. My state of acceptance versus an ache for childrearing is now at 99% to 1%. I consciously know now, what I’ve always known in the past: That life is what we make of it. I now refuse to be distracted in order to tuck away unwanted emotions. We live to feel and to be felt. I have “settled in, bought a house, started a family and a career” and along the way, these four years alone have taught me a lot. Some of us are meant for something much different.

I have always had the tendency to appreciate simple things in life. I have recently worked on aligning and tending to my desires and needs and am allowing myself to tap into avenues others don’t find time or energy for. Holding a meaningful, fulfilled, happy life isn’t only for those with children.

We all have tough choices to make in life. I can choose to go forward with a procedure that could put me in tons of risk of uterine rupture. I can choose to adopt. But it is 2017, and I can also choose to be childfree.

If you’d like to take a listen to our very first podcast, please do! Please no harsh judging as I was very nervous for this first one! haha. I know it’ll get much easier and more and more fun with each episode. We plan to share much of our insight on the topic but also the ways we add “meaning” to our lives. Many trips and hobbies will be shared! Come along with us and let us know your thoughts on the subject! We want to hear from you!

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Cheers – to changing lives for the better.

meaningfulchildlesslife@yahoo.com

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Click here to listen to our first Podcast episode on Libsyn. 

Also available for free download on iTunes (or on your Podcast app)! th.jpeg

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