Importance of Goal Setting for the Childless/Childfree

If you’d like to start with the podcast instead of skipping through this outline, here it is! =) 

It’s also available on iTunes! For Apple iPhone users, you can use the  icon_340.png (podcast) app! We have fixed the issue with the search for “Meaningful Childless Life” and it should be easy to find now. Also, if you would like for the podcasts to download when they’re available, go ahead and subscribe to the podcast. If you need help with any of this please feel free to ask or leave a comment and I’ll get back to you! Free free to rate the podcast and give it five stars ;)))

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Hey everyone! Dee here!

Tony and I finally sat down to record another podcast! Shwew! This past weekend was the OCB Body Sculpting Championship in Hampton, VA and Tony, Paul and I knocked it out! The last handful of weeks prior to the show absorbed every last minute I had, but we’re back in podcast action!

In this podcast episode, I’ll share a few lessons I learned along the 12 week journey to the stage.  Also, we delve into our most recent and future goals and the importance of goal setting for the childfree folk. And without fail, we get into a few ramblings, admixed with goal-setting tips for our fellow MCL tribe members!

I wanted to share the outline to our show in blog format for those of you who don’t have time to listen to our ramblings.

The importance of setting goals for the childfree folk: Raising children is God’s work. Parent’s deserve all the kudos in the world for what it is they do on the daily. What I’m saying here, is that living without children comes many “cons”… those of which we won’t dig into today. But with these cons in the background, we must put all our PROS into the forefront! HELLO PROS! One pro includes TIME. Ahhhh…. something you just can’t make more of or get back. Well, with the added time on your childless hands, you are much better off tackling goals than sitting back and letting time take you away. Years could go by and you could be the same person! Ew! No thank you! Now let’s get to the goal setting:

2 RULES ON SETTING NEW GOALS:

  • Focusing on less… is more —> You are capable of greatly enhancing one aspect of your life if you are not trying to tackle all things at one time. Focus on less, and do it greatly, vs focusing on everything, while doing it poorly. Set a single goal, put your head down and DRIVE. If you are comfortable with setting a fewer small goals vs one larger goal, then go for it. Just be sure you are organized enough to schedule out time for these things and stick to them.
  • DO NOT set unrealistic goals! What’s that saying? “Shoot for the moon… if you miss, you’ll still land among stars.” Yikes. I don’t know about you, but if I shot for and missed the moon, those stars would be getting some dirty looks. haha. Let’s set realistic achievable goals so that we can keep our winning streak up and our momentum going!

TAKING ACTION:

  • SELF TALK
    • Insert your new sentence here: I am a ________ (writer, podcaster, athlete, etc). This is important. You don’t have to 100% believe that it’s true, but writing that down on the daily can really start to convince anyone. Provide yourself with positive self talk and you can literally fake it until you make it. “Create a catalytic voice that accelerates your mission.”
  • CREATE
    • If what you want doesn’t exist in chasing, then create your own industry and let the world try to break into you.
  • FOCUS
    • Focus on the process of learning, not the end goal. The transformation phase happens right under your nose. Open those nostrils and get a big WHIF!
  • COMFORT ZONE WARNING
    • People confuse comfort with happiness. You must chase discomfort to achieve your next goal. When your life is comfortable there’s no anticipation. You must break out of your comfort zone, because change only comes when facing resistance. At the end of a difficult journey is an even more peaceful state.

HOW TO MAINTAIN, FOLLOWING ACHEIVEMENT: 

On the ride back from the competition we talked about the things I enjoyed vs the things I did not enjoy. It’s important to have a takeaway from the achieving the goal that you can utilize for the rest of your life. Hello! So… pluck those gems out of your journey which you found enjoyment and add them to the next phase. Maintaining takes much less effort because you’re not dealing with as much of the discomfort. This opens yourself up to receive discomfort from your next MAIN GOAL.

PODCAST TAKEAWAY:

When you invest in yourself, your relationships and the world around you are enhanced. 

——– Connect with us! ——–

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Dee_Viapiano

Email

meaningfulchildlesslife@yahoo.com

 

Meaningful Childless Life Podcast Launch!

It’s finally here!!!

My thoughts have been brewing over this idea for two years now and I’m finally giving it a GO! This may seem sort of strange that I am proud to launch a childless life podcast but this has been a topic I have been too shy or embarrassed to discuss and it’s time to make a change to that. It’s a bit of a taboo subject but I believe it doesn’t have to be. I would like to share my story in hopes that I can reach a few readers/listeners who relate. When you live a nonsocial norm lifestyle, it is important to surround yourself with a solid community who you can share thoughts and moments with. It is my dream, with the help of my husband and closest friends to create a Childless Community.

Here’s my story:

I was so distracted I didn’t have time to mourn the news. I was nearing the end of Graduate School at WVU. I couldn’t wait to finally settle in somewhere, buy a home, start my career, start a family, and live out this life. I was readying myself for my final presentation on breast carcinoma when I had to skip off to a doctor’s appointment. An ultrasound was scheduled to take a look at my ovaries which were giving me tremendous pain upon exercise. Polycystic Ovarian Disease, they mentioned. I knew what it was. In fact I’ve dissected many ovaries with this disease. I rolled my eyes at it, telling myself “I told you so.”

Then it came. The technician took the cold slimy stick and aimed it at my uterus. She turned the screen in my direction and said, “Did you know you have a bicornuate uterus? …potentially with a septum?” It looked evil. Maybe like a “hook-em horns” off a Texan’s sports cap? Or did it look a little more like a heart? Maybe this was some nightmare and I could aim that ultrasound stick at my martian-looking organ, have it shoot lazer beams and disintegrate my uterus? Humph.

My malformed uterus didn’t have that dome shape like a hot-air-balloon does, in order to house a growing baby. In fact, the technician carelessly blurts out, “Oh, yeah, people with your malformation have about a 20-30% chance of carrying to full term. They tend to lose it in the 2nd trimester due to growth restriction complications. If it does survive, you could be dealing with a load of birth malformations due to growth restriction.” The polycystic ovarian disease certainly doesn’t increase my chances. Wow, thanks for the comforting, informative chat Technician. That was the longest elevator ride to the parking deck I’ve ever had.

With my unfinished presentation in the passenger seat, I knew I had to do two things: focus… and eat. I felt numb as I carried my food to the back corner of Chick-fila. Within minutes, I realized I was sitting next to the playscape and distracted by children playing when it all finally hit me. A little boy (of about 3ish) paused to sit in the plastic bubble in the very top of the play tower. We locked eyes. He placed his hand upon the plastic wall and it felt as if he was looking into my soul. Maybe he felt my sadness (maybe he thought I was some creeper staring at children?). Then he smiled at me for what seemed like forever. It was this moment I realized I’d never have a moment like that with a child of mine. I’d never see his/her smiling face. I’ll never come out of the bathroom with that excited, “Surprise! We’re pregnant!” Life would be much different.

The next morning the numbness eased up a bit, due to my shift of focus. I had to make this presentation good. I have an interest in breast pathology more than any other pathology, so at least the subject had me excited. I was pretty certain that the puffy bags under my eyes were visible to the entire room. Were there holes in my summary, for all the interjected thoughts I had while putting the end together? I left afterward not telling a single soul, but receiving compliments on my presentation. The focus on this project was life saving, as sometimes, distractions are pure blessings. I realize now that sometimes that’s all we let life be – one big distraction.

It’s been almost four years. My state of acceptance versus an ache for childrearing is now at 99% to 1%. I consciously know now, what I’ve always known in the past: That life is what we make of it. I now refuse to be distracted in order to tuck away unwanted emotions. We live to feel and to be felt. I have “settled in, bought a house, started a family and a career” and along the way, these four years alone have taught me a lot. Some of us are meant for something much different.

I have always had the tendency to appreciate simple things in life. I have recently worked on aligning and tending to my desires and needs and am allowing myself to tap into avenues others don’t find time or energy for. Holding a meaningful, fulfilled, happy life isn’t only for those with children.

We all have tough choices to make in life. I can choose to go forward with a procedure that could put me in tons of risk of uterine rupture. I can choose to adopt. But it is 2017, and I can also choose to be childfree.

If you’d like to take a listen to our very first podcast, please do! Please no harsh judging as I was very nervous for this first one! haha. I know it’ll get much easier and more and more fun with each episode. We plan to share much of our insight on the topic but also the ways we add “meaning” to our lives. Many trips and hobbies will be shared! Come along with us and let us know your thoughts on the subject! We want to hear from you!

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Cheers – to changing lives for the better.

meaningfulchildlesslife@yahoo.com

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Click here to listen to our first Podcast episode on Libsyn. 

Also available for free download on iTunes (or on your Podcast app)! th.jpeg

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If You Lose the Mental Game…

“If you lose the mental game, you lose the physical one.” Kevin Gianni 

Peace photo

For those of you who do not know, I work in Health Care. I am a Pathologist’s Assistant and it is my job to dissect all of the surgical specimens that come from the operating rooms, in search for cancer (for diagnoses and staging) and disease. I am a solo PA and dissect each and every organ/biopsy that comes out of three separate hospitals. It sounds daunting… but I love it. What I don’t love are legs. Yes, you heard me. Legs… digits… genitals… eyeballs. All of these have one thing in common.

I see on average, approximately 3 legs a week. These legs are from patients ranging in ages from 27 to 80’s. Legs, digits and transmetatarsal amputations are mostly received for diabetes, majority of which, is Type 2. Many people are susceptible to Type 2 diabetes through genetics. Diabetes complications include nerve damage and poor blood circulation. This leads to the dying of tissue (or ischemia), because it can no longer receive proper nutrients. Poor lifestyle habits are the leading cause of diabetes.

You can combat this gangrenous disease (if you start early enough) with two things:

Maintain a healthy diet.

Exercise. 

Look at it this way: Exercise and exorcism both refer to ways of getting rid of something — belly fat or Satan. Therefore belly fat is Satan. Okay, sort of flawed logical sequence, but you get what I’m saying! I once heard from a Doc I work with that “For every one hour you exercise,  you extend your life expectancy by two hours.” How does that sound? If you’re not making time to exercise, then you ARE making time for disease. If you’d like proof, visit your local Pathology Lab.

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Start with SMALL changes:

Stop thinking bread is just bread. It’s not. It’s actually sugar.

Stop dieting. It’s a lifestyle. Try eating only healthy foods during work hours.

Change out a few items the first week. Then a couple more the next.

Allow yourself cheat meals occasionally. Twice a weekend works for me.

Take the serving size OUT of the bag and put it into a serving dish. Put the bag AWAY.

Don’t obsess over food. Obsess over movement. Take a walk with a friend!

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This all seems like common sense, but we obviously still need to work on these things. Preventative maintenance is key, and allows you to live more freely and fully. People don’t realize that their junk food & ill-mobility habits lead to serious future mobility limitations, blindness, dying of extremities (to include genitals – yes we receive dead penises), kidney failure, etc. Sure, always making good health decisions is a mental game. You can encourage yourself through positivity, by educating yourself and immersing yourself… or you can lose yourself physically. STOP! Stand up, start small and get moving!

Your Body is Your Temple.

-> And I’m always here to help! <-

 – BnG –

Swimming is ____________.

If you’re always the best person on the court, you’re getting worse every time you play.

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If you’re like me, you can easily fill in the above space with any of the following:

  • horrible.
  • the worst kind of cardio out there.
  • only nice if it’s relaxing or associated with the beach and a cold drink.
  • for others, not me.
  • for high school kids.
  • prettier from afar.
  • fun when it’s a gentle breaststroke.
  • a necessity on cruise vacations when you want to go play on those big floating blow up things.

Needless to say, I only swam when I had to. It doesn’t help when you’re thalassophobic (fear of the ocean). Also, anyone who can relate to being flipped off numerous intertubes at water parks growing up can feel my pain. But as an adult, is it time to jump this life long hurdle? If you haven’t read my first post Done is Better Than Perfect, then you must know I’m all in for trying new things. What does it hurt?

 It helps when you know someone with gills. My husband, was a state freestyle competitor in high school and after discussing the perks of swimming (post-surgery), he had us signed up at the YMCA in no time. 

  • Step 1: Face in water 
  • Step 2: Choose a side to inhale 
  • Step 3: The paddle board is your friend 
  • Step 4: He states “Are you ready?” I respond, “For what?” He states in his most Karate Kid Movie voice, “To get better?” 
  • Step 5: 10×50 at 2:00 …. ?!?! I had no idea what this meant but basically we freestyle swam 50 meters x 10 times, at 2 minute cycles. Never have my lungs & lats burnt like this and supposedly there was a 45 second rest between sets(??). 
  • Step 6: Get divorced. Hah – just kidding. But seriously. 
  • Step 7: Endorphin rush on the car ride home. Thanks babe! (What a head trip).

I post this simply because I’ve learned something over just 5 sessions in the water:

  • I am worthy of a lap lane. 
  • You have to trust the person who knows you have it in you. 
  • You have to get comfortable with uncomfortable. 

Most importantly, when you have a competitive spirit, let it guide you into new avenues. It’s ok to be the best or an expert at certain things, but not at the cost of never attempting something you’re scared of.

– BnG

Done is Better Than Perfect

You know how when you hear something for the first time, it comes up at least two more times right away? Almost as if to say, “Hello… I’ve been here this whole time. You’ve just never paid attention.”

The beginning of this week began with that annoying alarm in one ear screaming, “GET UP! It’s LEG DAY!” Being Monday, it takes me a bit longer to shimmy zombie-like out of bed. My first thought – just get there, at least that’s something. Something’s better than nothing right?

You all know how this works. That little line helps you to get dressed, get in the car and at least warm up at the gym. Then BOOM. What a GREAT workout! So glad you got up right?

Later this same day I was geeking out on podcasts during my drives to and from work, as usual (I travel throughout the day as well). The steady inflow of information makes me feel as if I’m actually being sneaky during work hours, and being paid to learn what I want! Yes please. So then I hear a story from the Podcast “The Side Hustle Show” – where Lisa Cartwright mentioned that the ticket to making tons of money off of self-publishing to Kindle is: Done is better than Perfect. Again, I hear this same mantra two days later, from Ankur Nagpal’s “Monetize What You Know: Proven Course Creation Best Practices” podcast.

Wow – this was so strange to me at first. Many of us strive for an OCD level of performance or to create a perfect product or image. This fact, came into my lungs like a bit of fresh air and escaped leaving me so relaxed, and hell… reignited. What happens when you stop critiquing everything you do, because it’s “not good enough yet?” Or if you stop saying, “I could never do that as well as someone else,” and “There’s already tons of people out there doing that same thing, and better.” – WAKE UP.

It was as if I was 7 again and my parents were telling me “You can be anything you want to be.” This is when I realized, this is what life’s about. In the past year, I had been living by this notion without knowing it:

Before dawn workouts – check

Carpentry – check

Jiu Jitsu – check

Gardening – check

Podcasting – check

Website – Why Not!? Because, getting something done is better than perfect. Just get it started. Do what you feel uncomfortable doing and you will soon find yourself cruising through that next project. It may not be perfect, but it’s yours, and you’re better for it.